Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Re-Entry SeminarI had my "Re-Entry Seminar" this weekend. Wow. I can't describe how I feel about it...it's a weird feeling.
I am talking to Emily about it right now, we are sharing feelings, thoughts about the year and stuff. It's good. Hi Emily!!
On Friday I did stay home from school, I was totally sick, and...I don't think I would have survived school anyway. But the seminar is naturally an exception! So i slept in, had a bath, did everything I needed to do and set off with the train. I was bored the whole time, and it seemed like five hours, even though it was only an hour drive.
When I finally got there, I saw this sign with kids sitting around it, and knew I had to go there. They were all so surpised to see me, because I should have gone to another seminar, but I wanted to go to Magdeburg (The other seminar was further away anyway!) But we all said hi, waited a little and then four of us got into the car and drove to our home for the next three days. From the moment I saw all the people in Magdeburg train station until now, everything has gone so fast.
We stayed in a place at a lake, Barleber Lake. Originally we wanted to go swimming there, but the weather was horrible. It was cold, windy and rainy the whole weekend. I think there was about three minutes of sun the whole time, and that was when we had to work.
We stayed in cabins. the place was so beautiful, so green and grass and everything. The only wrong thing was the pink toilet block.
We ate and did most of our stuff under cover. We had one main area, where we ate and met, and that had one wall for wind protection. Then there was another place between two cabins, which was really beatiful as well.
As soon as I got to this place, we all walked up to the rooved area, lets call it the "room" and saw Janina. She was my YFU minder person, when I was in Schoenebeck. I really got to lik her, and we got quite close. Then she went to Belgium in Feburary and I moved in March, and we haven't seen each other till then. I really missed her and was so excited to see her again. And i saw her and she saw me, I was so tired and felt like shit, I was sick, but the smile just cracked on my face and we hugged each other. I was surprised that she was there, I thought she was only going to be there on Sunday, but she was a Teamer there.
We all signed our names and got a room together, I was in room number 2 with Bruna (Brasil), Yurina (Japan), Alex (Germany), Mirka (Slovakia) and Emmi (Finland), who came later. I would have loved to have had Karin (Estonia) in my room as well. Emmi, Karin and I got on the best.
Anyway, I got to keep the key, we all stuffed our stuff into our room and went back up to see everyone else. I was so happy when I saw Robert (Latvia), he and I were really close friends. I also saw alot of other people from my past.
When we were all there we played this game, where we had to make a people map of Sachsen-Anhalt. I felt so left out, I should have been out of the room, about fifty metres away...but I didn't. We had to introduce ourselves and I said I was the foreigner there. It was true. The other people were all from sachsen-Anhalt, except for one teamer, Steffie. There were three Teamers, Janina, Steffie and Thomas, who came on Saturday morning.
We all had fun together, talked, ate some cake and stuff then ate dinner. After dinner we had an AG, like at the middle-seminar. I was with Steffie at the beginning (I couldn't have been with Janina because she was my Betreuer). We talked about alot of things there. It was OK.
After that we all hund around together again, talked, ate...hung around. We did this thing, where we all drew names out of a hat, and that person was our "secret angel." I had Janina. =) That was really nice too. We got lessons about how you write different stuff in Chinese and showed each other where we all come from on the massive map. We all went to bed eventually, when we realised how late it was...
Next morning we all woke up and were all really tired. I don't think many of us really slept more than about three hours. Steffie came and knocked on our door...she was really polite about it too. =)
Anyway, did the normal stuff, ate brekky and had some more AGs. This time I was with Thomas, he was really cool. =) We talked about problems going home, changing, what we could possibly give the family when we go home.
After that we had our afternoon free. It was nice. Karin, Emmi, Robert and I went down to the lake and hung about there for a while, taking lots of pictures, like always, and having a whole lotta fun, like always. I love those guys, and I really think it will get to me, how much I miss them sometime. I really will miss alot of my exchange friends, exchange students who I have met along the way.
We went back, played soccer, hung around, played on the swings and decorated some random pots and it rained. None of us even thought about going swimming. I was wearing a really big jacket, one that I wouldn't even need in winter in Canberra, and I was cold!
We also played some great YFU games...I tell you, those games are great, unimaginably fun!!! I promise I will never let them out of the YFU circle though.
That night we had to plan stuff for the next day, for the host-families. it was hard...not really.
At about 12 most people went to sleep, but some stayed up as well. I think just about everyone had been in our cabin and had sat down and talked to us, including the teamers, by the end of the night. Our table had lollies and stuff on it...well, not in the morning.
Sometime in the night we got kicked out of our room, so we went and visited the guys room. We sat around there, played hackysack (although we were quite loud, and next to the teamer's room!) and talked and ate...=P
At about 3 it got really boring. Robert suggested that we walk down to the lake, and I really liked the idea, so four of us went. On the way there Robert asked if we would pay him to go in the lake, so he did. But it looked like so much fun he got some company as well. Imagine it, exchange students in a lake at 4am. It really was quite funny. It wasn't even cold anymore!
After that we went and showered, hung around more and then finally decided to all go to bed, although we thought we would try and pull an all nighter. I wasn't really tired, but when I got to my room I hit the pillow and was dead to the world. It was funny when I was trying to get to my bed. There were heaps of chairs, bags, and everything imaginable on the floor. And every time I took a step I would find something else.
Janina came at 7:45 and knocked on our door, surpirsed at how warm it was in our room. That was the next sign of life I showed.
That morning we were all quite crazy, getting people to sign our t-shirts and everything. My t-shirt really is beautiful. We ate, cleaned up our cabins and got rid of all our stuff. our cabin was gone. Bye-bye. =(
Soon enough the parents came. We had to have one last AG, flying home. How it would be at home and things. It really made me think.
After that we all said hi to parents and friends, then the summer-fest was opened. We ate happily and ate till we were all full. Our table was full of young kids without family there, which was great. Aurelija and Karin sat next to me, and Jana across the table, some really nice, funny girls.
Then we had to put on our program for the parents. We spelt out Germany and read out things, then played some games with them, sung two songs and then made pictures. It was very sad for it to be over. I wish I could have stayed, the time went so fast.
After that we all exchanged emails and things and then we all had to go eventually. It was very sad to leave, my last YFU seminar in Sachsen-Anhalt, probably the last time I will see most of those people. I promised Steffie to make something like that in Australia, because it is so wonderful. Maybe Emily will help me.
Going was sad. I didn't cry, but...my heart was low. I said goodbye to Janina last. I also wrote her a massive letter, and made a nice picuire thing for her as well. She wasn't allowed to read it until I left though.
I will miss YFU.
I got a lift with Emmi and Karin, Karin and I got dropped off at the train station. We waited a little while, then I got on the train and I left YFU Sachsen-Anhalt. =( It is really emotional for me, OK guys? Karin was the last person I saw from them all...I miss them. Although I have pictures and a t-shirt and memories, nothing can beat a good ol' YFU meeting, being able to hug them and talk to them face-to-face. To go swimming with them in the middle of the night and to see the smile on their faces. To crack jokes about YFU, secretly loving every minute of it, and hoping to see them around each corner to be able to scare the wits out of them.
That's the spirit.
I travelled away and was left with myself and my memories. The time went so fast, I don't believe it is over.
Before I went to this seminar, I still thought I had alot of time here in Germany. Oh yeah, I thought. 2 Months still...but two days later, I see that totally differently. I have realised that 2 months isn't much time at all. How can the reality change so suddenly?
When I got home I felt so...empty.
Having said goodbye to them for the last time took a part of me away as well. Exchange friends really are special. More special than anyone else on this world sometimes. Nothing I say will make you all understand it, you need to have had experienced it.
It's nearly over. It was a weird feeling to be home...really weird. The seminar was a great lot of fun and everything, but it didn't really help for the re-entry, which was the whole purpose of it. It was a time to say goodbye, a time for fun, but for the re-entry to Australia, it wasn't much good. And that got me scared.
YFU Germany are normally so good with everything, and everything helps, but I realised that this seminar didn't help at all. And if YFU can't help, I can only imagine how hard it is going to be for us, Emily and I, when we got home.
And this is where you guys come into the picture.
We are the ones who did this. We both wanted to, no-one forced us. We were always the different ones. When we came to Europe, we were the ones who had to change to fit in. We had to adjust, no-one else. We had to fit into the country, culture, family, school, class and friendship group here. No-one else.
And now we are coming back.
We will come back, and we will be like it was in our country. In Europe. Now we will have to come back and fit in all over again. We will have to change again. You think we haven't changed? You think you haven't changed? We will have to come back and fit into the country, culture, family, school, class and friendship group again. Some things may change. Some things may be the same. And for us, some things may not fit together quite so well anymore. We are the ones who will have to adjust.
It is scary, I have to change to fit into my own life. My life in Germany, I have to change. My life in Australia. I have to change.
Please be patient with us guys. Understand when we want to exchange experiences and only talk about what has happened here in Europe. Understand when we don't want to talk. Be patient.
Understand when we are going so badly we are about to cry and understand when we just can't do anything anymore. When we don't know something that has happened in the last 12 months/6 months, explain it to us patiently.
There will be times when we miss our lands, school, cities, friends and family so much that we can't think of anything other than that. There will be times when the pang hurts too much to bear, and when we just have to run onto the next flight to Europe. Let us make our decisions.
When we feel alone, be there for us, and when we want to be alone and cry please respect that. If it hurts so much and is so hopeless that we can't go on, be the same great friends that you were when we left.
Please understand that we weren't there, that we have done something different. There will be times when we can't do things. Understand that we have changed a little bit, but we are still the same people, we just have an extra part on our bodies. It may sound corny, but we have grown the wings to fly alone in this time here.
Understand that I might look the same, but I have changed for the better on the inside, even though you can't see it, it doesn't mean it is not there.
And that is that. Please understand guys.
Wow. It's nearly over. We're coming back soon. Don't worry anymore.
Vera was here at 2:10 AM
